feel like I'm dreaming
move like I'm drunk
see as if I'm high
there's these moments,
like I'm on XTC
feeling
breathing
not seeing
not thinking
who knows anything anyway?
Not me!
I'm caught in this
whirlwind
in a colourful world
that flashes to grey
as I spin spin spin
away
away
...away
out of sight
out of mind
oh where am I?
I have gone
into the grey.
maybe someday
I will come home.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Oh So Much Has Changed
Hahaha
So now that my collar is at the bottom of a lake,
and I've lost the man I loved with all my life,
I both hate everything and love everything.
It's quite nice to be holding my own leash,
but that means I can't run to him anymore.
Which is devastating.
And oh, I'm coping okay...
I suppose.
I only cut once, which is pretty good.
And I didn't kill myself, which believe me, was on the top of my to-do list on that night.
Yeah.... went out driving in the rain... and lemme tell you, I had NO intention of coming back.
But then I realized, he isn't/wasn't what made me valuble, and while he was the reason I'm still alive today, that doesn't mean he was the only thing making me worthy of living.
So here I am. Here's to many more days of weary wonder.
Cheers,
- E
So now that my collar is at the bottom of a lake,
and I've lost the man I loved with all my life,
I both hate everything and love everything.
It's quite nice to be holding my own leash,
but that means I can't run to him anymore.
Which is devastating.
And oh, I'm coping okay...
I suppose.
I only cut once, which is pretty good.
And I didn't kill myself, which believe me, was on the top of my to-do list on that night.
Yeah.... went out driving in the rain... and lemme tell you, I had NO intention of coming back.
But then I realized, he isn't/wasn't what made me valuble, and while he was the reason I'm still alive today, that doesn't mean he was the only thing making me worthy of living.
So here I am. Here's to many more days of weary wonder.
Cheers,
- E
Monday, March 2, 2009
The fact that you don't tell me hurts much more than what you'd have to say.
"Of course." ...of course.
You say it as if I'm silly for asking.
But... I don't think you would.
It hurts, yeah. More than probably anything else you could do. But... it hurts so much more that you don't tell me.
I know you're just trying to avoid
hurting me.
But... I'll take the truth over secrecy any day.
I miss your honesty with me.
Not that you lie to me now.
I believe that you tell me the truth...
but... I shouldn't have to ask for it.
And... I know you're busy,
but please,
please don't just brush me off.
Again, not that you try to.
But... it hurts anyway.
I'm glad for you when things are good,
And I believe that you will pull yourself back up,
when they aren't.
But please...
just...
tell me.
You say it as if I'm silly for asking.
But... I don't think you would.
It hurts, yeah. More than probably anything else you could do. But... it hurts so much more that you don't tell me.
I know you're just trying to avoid
hurting me.
But... I'll take the truth over secrecy any day.
I miss your honesty with me.
Not that you lie to me now.
I believe that you tell me the truth...
but... I shouldn't have to ask for it.
And... I know you're busy,
but please,
please don't just brush me off.
Again, not that you try to.
But... it hurts anyway.
I'm glad for you when things are good,
And I believe that you will pull yourself back up,
when they aren't.
But please...
just...
tell me.
Funny thing is, I feel great!
and that's probably not good, but guess what? I DON'T CARE!
AHAHA
...
wow...
....wow.
AHAHA
...
wow...
....wow.
I Don't Know
if I'm.... ready or not.
I mean, everything's so... in my face about it. It's kind of difficult, you know?
Of course, I feel like a whiney little baby here, but... I'm just not ready.
I'm sorry, Dono. Truly I am.
I mean, everything's so... in my face about it. It's kind of difficult, you know?
Of course, I feel like a whiney little baby here, but... I'm just not ready.
I'm sorry, Dono. Truly I am.
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